Have the urge to blog about this few weeks back after some encounter, but wasn’t really prepared. It’s not easy to discuss about this topic, because in some point of time, we may have been through before, encounter before or even do it before. Being a mother is not easy, no matter giving birth or you adopt it, single or married. Physically and mentally drain, and still have to deal with unnecessary remarks. I’m not an angel, I’m not perfect, so hopefully this article can make us understand we all mothers are great (of cause I’m talking about those who hold the responsibilities.) We can encourage, provide solutions, but don’t judge, don’t condemn.
(some parts may sound a bit rude or vulgar)
1. Method of delivery, Natural vs C-sect
Does a mother who give birth via C-sect make her a mother lesser? Does that mean that she can’t bear the pain she’s not fit to be a mother? No.
No matter how the child came to earth, via normal or c-sect, on that special day, a woman turns her status into mother, and the baby turns his/her status to precious son or precious daughter.
Many people choose c-sect for many reasons, scared of pain, worried for complications, prefer to see their little ones early, have unforeseen complications, etc. In medical point of view, of cause natural is good and comes with benefits, but that is if you are lucky that it doesn’t comes with any complications, otherwise c-sect is the way to keep both mothers and baby a life. For some you think they have a choice? Some long for giving birth via natural, but during that point the circumstances doesn’t allow them. Why force a mother (or yourself) mental and physical to do it causing delivery process so unpleasant. Why feel so proud that you give birth via natural? Yes you can, definitely, but don’t judge or condemn those who c-sect, be thankful that your natural delivery is smooth, didn’t lost too much blood, didn’t drop BP, didn’t have any complications which may cause danger to mother and/or child’s life.
Carry a heavy tummy for 9 months is tough enough, stop stressing that natural is the way.
So you going to apply for a job, or you child going to apply for a school >
Interviewer: You give birth naturally or you child comes out from your vaginal?
OBVIOUSLY nobody will ask right, so what so important? So don’t ask why you never give birth via natural, or stop asking you want to give birth via natural or c-sect, unless you are the gynecologist?
2. Pain Killer or Pain kills me?
Make this clear first, I go without epidural because I’m very very scared of needle. Yah, me a nurse yet scared of needle right. Sorry, I poke people can, people cannot poke me. I think my primary school friends some will remember I run round the class just to prevent kena catch to have injection. Ask my hubby, how I see the needle I will start crying when it’s not even on me yet. So, it’s not that I’m a hero that I can go without epidural. Yes my pain tolerance is high but if there is pain relief method which doesn’t need to be jab, maybe drink? I will be gladly to have it. If you go without epidural, Pethidine or even laughing gas, good for you, but the hospital not going to give you a medal, the government is not going to give you extra money, you are not going to appear in newspaper because you are NOT the only one gave birth without any pain relieving method.
And for those who use or not sure whether you want to use a not, just think, are you going to let one delivery process to make you don’t enjoy it? Don’t enjoy how the tiny little hand, little feet, come into this world, and to your hand? Save some energy for that precious moment… otherwise regret it, unless you are telling me you want to keep on giving birth?
So stop hyping on it. Let it go~~~~~~ Do what you feel comfortable, hack that peer pressure.
3. Human or Machine? Direct latch or pumping
“why you never latch” “why you pump” “you know latch can bond” “pumping will decrease your supply”
I latched before, I pump before. Both are equally physically and sometimes can be even mentally tired.
Hello, for those who latch, good for you, keep it up the good work, but it doesn’t mean a pumping mother is not a mother. And no pumping 100% doesn’t decrease supply.
Please google, who says breastfeeding is the ONLY way to bond? Of course, the bonding while breastfeeding is a different level, but in dictionary BONDING doesn’t EQUAL to BREASTFEEDING.
To those who can’t breastfeed, who can’t latch, please, there is plenty of ways to bond with your child. Stop that “breastfeed is the way to bond”. So you are trying to tell me if your children go to secondary school, in order to bond with them.. erm you latch??
My neh neh, not yours, I decide which one I like can?
Nursing room…… I’m glad that my skin is thick enough to nurse in public and pump in public (with nursing cover lah) without having to fight over nursing room. Yes, yes nursing means mother who breastfeed, but a mother who is bottle feed or pumping aren’t they also nursing a child? What makes you think that only nursing baby get distracted easily? Some bottle fed baby too! I have seen how some of my friends struggling to feed their baby because they get distracted so easily. So if you are not comfortable to nurse in public, obviously there will be some mommy uncomfortable to pump in public. All mothers definitely at some point in time will encounter baby crankiness that they really need a nursing room to calm their child. If you are pumping, welcome a nursing mother to share a room with each other. If the room is too small, you want to nurse your child, is first come first serve, yes you may think pumping can stop, but I believe you know what is the feeling of have bad engorgement, some people once they can’t clear they will start having fever, or blocked ducts. But I believe most nursing room in Singapore are big enough to share, so be gracious, share a room together. Because both direct latch and pumping mothers who are making an effort to give their child the best.
4. Milk comes from? FM or BM
I support breastfeeding, but that doesn’t mean I agree that you should breastfeed/give breast milk at the state of losing your mental well-being. Breastfeeding is definitely not an easy process, yes we all breastfeed, but don’t make unnecessary remarks like FM is like serving poison to the child. Who don’t wish to give their child the best? But just because one insist to breastfeed, but keep crying everyday, having sleepless night, irritable temper.. Are you still giving your child the best? Your child not only need food(milk) to survive, they also need care and concern to survive, they need to feel loved and warmth to survive. BM is good but it’s not a Elixir of life, your child still can fall sick, yes it will definitely recover faster but if they are picky about food, still will fall sick often too. Don’t be too hard on BM, BM… and overlook the mental well-being of both mother and child.
Read this article..”Breast is best obsession and a mother driven to take her own life” While this may be an extreme case, but who knows how many mother sink into depression because this is one of the issues but they were lucky to get help/treatment earlier? I rather she give her child FM, rather than a child who have no mother now. Talking about peer/social pressure, mental well-being is always overlooked.
Stop asking a breastfeeding mother when they want to give FM. Unless you want to sponsor them milk powder? You may feel that milk powder have a lot of nutrients like DHA, vitamins etc… All this can be also found in the breastmilk and children’s diet at the later stage. And if the ingredients stated (for example) 750grams DHA/vitamins, your child body is not going to absorb ALL the 750grams. Stop thinking that, including the supplement you are taking now.
5. Sleep like an angel
Doesn’t mean a baby who don’t sleep through the night is mother’s fault or breastfeeding fault. I still do have friends feeding FM but baby still wake up 2-3 hrly for milk. Like I mentioned in my previous post, here, on average baby starts to sleep through the night after 12-18 months old onwards. So don’t be too hard on yourself and other people. But of course if you create a late sleeping culture/habit, how to expect your child to sleep early?
So stop blaming the breast…milk.. formula milk is harder to digest but that doesn’t 100% guarantee you a sleep through baby. So stop giving a nasty look or judge them if that someone you know their baby haven’t slept through when their baby is not even 2 years old?? Wait till karma strikes you kena one don’t sleep through baby, unless you not planning to have baby anymore otherwise…….. you bear the consequences.
6. SAHM vs FTWM
Please all are equally tired can!
pro > see your child grow, hit milestone, bond with them
cons> no me time, no break especially when you have no helper. Disconnect with the social world especially for the first few months. Take money from hubby, hubby keep asking WHY WHY WHY
pro > at least have some me time during working time, have own money, spend it without geting to ask WHY WHY WHY
cons > may missed your child’s mildstone
So both SAHM and FTWM have their pros and cons, both are equally tired no matter what. So stop shooting dart at each other.
SAHM stop saying why you never quit, you will miss your child growing up, you can just live in your means, what you have. Yah that’s for you but some people just don’t like to use hubby money can??
FTWM stop saying SAHM do nothing, question why they don’t want go back to work, why never dress up. Later become yellow face woman. Give you one day leave, take care your child on your own, see you pull your hair a not.
No matter you agree or don’t agree with me, one thing you got to agree, we are all mothers, mothers who took up the responsibility to take care of our child.
Enjoying the process of motherhood/parenthood is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in our life as well as the kids. Don’t forget your positive well-being is also their positive well-being.
If you agree, share, if you don’t, then don’t share lor.. 😛
Happy weekend folks!