Really don;t no how to start!! Ok just start from the day which is thursday if i’m not wrong, K and i admitted 2 DIL cases (Dangerously Ill List), we were very busy with this 2 cases even until when we hand over report. But i still can take it, for me sleep and eat and is over, so i never stress myself too hard. But things doesn’t go well after this 2 DIL.. it get worse. During this 3 days, 1 DIL becomes 2 DIL becomes 3 DIL and 4 DIL and 5 DIL. They are not stable, only 1 is stable. 1 pass away during night shift, 2 resuscitation at C’s shift and 1 pass away my shift. SUCKS!!

This is what happen on saturday,

After the first death, alot of stuff was pass down from C’s shift coz of her 2 resuscitation. She and AM trying hard to cover whatever they can. How to cover? More sponging than toilet bath. Toilet bath worse, only 1-2 patient able to help themsleves but not the rest. 6 dressings to be done and 2 in out cathether, and all the diet and call bells. I can see their tired faces. After receiving report from them, told AM to forget about the dressing that she had not done. I will do it, which is only 2. But C’s have to stay until very late because she haven’t finish writing her report. Things also doesn’t go well for me. The admitted case which is from C’s shift is complicated and is also DIL (just name A, so many DIL mention). I need to borrow alot of stuff from other ward due to confidential so unable to let u ppl. Up and down several times, already feel like my legs is giving away. My in charged DR also not around, she and the doctor send 1 DIL patient to CT scan. Poor C have to answer our call bell when we are not around as she is suppose to off duty.

Upon returning to the ward, I saw so many relatives which is already after visitng hours, well patients and DIL patients relatives all waiting for us to update when we already update to the main spokes person. Just 1 patient we will have 3-4 relatives coming to us one by one not at one goal to ask about patient condition. Really cannot take it ask my ward sister to take over. Than i receive a call from ?? ward, asking for beds, coz i have 1 empty bed. So i ask what is the patient status, answer was DIL!!! I feeling damm piss off, already 2 DIL unable to settle down coz after the resusitation and 1 patient is detoriating, and DR is still stuch at CT Scan, where the hell am i going to care my patient. Feeling piss off, replied rudely to call another room for beds.

Again i rush to another ward to get stuff from the DIL A case, when i’m back over heard Y asking whether back room still got empty beds, already not in a very good mood, i replied not to transfer that DIL case to me, as i have not even settle the 2 yet! And she replies ” THAT DOESN”T MEAN U CAN”T RECEIVE THE CASE!!” FINE!!! I can’t believe what i have heard. When my friend busy i take it and help (unless i know u r the lazy sort but that one is coealluge not friend) but yet this is what i get. Feeling like shouting back, but ward Sister came told Y that my room is really cannot make it! After that i don;t know whether the case come anot. Coz i don’t have even time to think of that. I’m angry, mixed with upset. I can’t believe they r doing this to me. P ever worked with me before, we admitted 5 cases at a go, did i never finish anything, some more with the other junior we are working with. And Y i’m a lazy and refuses cases!!! The day Kang and I admitted 2 DIL at a go, u r overall in front, with 3 empty beds. I can jolly well tell clerk to transfer one of the case to u, coz she didn’t even rotate the rooms!!! Did i do that!!! Don’t said i can’t ask the clerk to change i done that before not for me but for other rooms. Her reply was like a slap to me. Feeling damm down refuses to talk to anyone in the front, I only talk to C, and she poor thing, stayed until 6pm plus than she go home when she suppose to go home at 315pm.

While on my way home that day. i really wish tomorrow is a better day for me in the morning and AM in the afternoon, but no, doesn’t go well for me the next morning.

Arrived work place, 13/11/05, Sunday at 630am (official 700am), start my sponging coz i know it will be a busy day ahead of me. But still it doesn’t, the DIL A turn bad and pass away. Things get pile up, DR and I had cried coz of her, sorry really can’t tell, but as for me after working for 1 year plus i still cried when patient away espcially my shift. My teacher ever said is not healthy for me but i just couldn’t help it. It was my first cry for that day. After that 11 am still haven’t finish alot of stuff. 3 more hours to another shift. Don;t wish to pass any stuff to them coz i know it will be busy. Taking parameter at 11am plus, not even started yet, told DR i go MO’s room. After that i break out, crying as much as i can to feel better. After crying continue to take my parameter. After serving diet and update my chart which i dinin’t even touch it after report. When i want to feed patient, i still couldn’t calm down, thinking about that “slap i had” and what is happen and my pass away patient, i went to MO’s room and cry again. After that when i come back, DR told me another new case coming, i said ok, but she told me patient is DIL!! What the HELL!!! Coz front room already not happy, Fine i jolly well receive and said loudly i don;t care who heard that. “Got guts, just wait for my another empty bed and transfer all your front room DIL cases to me!!” Since yesterday that DIL patient was suppose to be for me!!! ME!!!!

Feeling damm piss off, i still have to continue sponding, yar 12pm plus i’m still sponging my patient!! Break my record!! SC came over and handed my a cup of drink i refuse and shouted I dont wish to see any one of u and receive any help in the front room. But she insited, fine what ever, while sponging, i cried again, feeling really sucks! Actually is not her fault but i just feel hurt. After that i proceed to do my dressing, saw her taking dressing stuff and went to one of my patient. I ask DR: “u told her who is for dressing?” She said only bed 3, coz she said she want to help, but i reply i don’t need their help. Don’t want any one of them from front room to say anything. Dr said she understand how i feel but she sid SC just want to help let her help. Fine forget it, it wasn’t really her fault.

After that finish my stuff and finally left the ward, suppose to meet Benny, but he ask me to eat first coz he has eaten already, feeling even more worse. Anyway just go and had a bath in the staff toilet. Not soon heard the 3 of them Y, P and SC talking about what to eat, where to eat blah blah.. Feeling even more worse! Yar, so happy lor, coz their room settle what, can even see the pm juniors sitting down there and chit chat, good life than ours ok. Whatever! After bathing, feeling very angry, just went out, i don’t think they know i’m inside, Just throw my shoes on the top, i know is hard and loud, but do i care, no i don’t coz they don’t why should i. And i slam the door and walk away.

After reaching tampines, finding food to eat, don;t wish to let Dear know, asking him to accompany. So quietly just eat Bk myself, and read CLEO. After that took bus to Benny house, on the way couldn’t take it, crying in the bus, called Benny up ask him to fetch me, coz after all the crying and gastric pain is making me giddy. reach the bus stop, saw him, couldn’t bear it any longer, just below his flats, i hug him and cry out loud until i feel better, than i fall alseep at his house after so much of crying.

Feeling much better, actually worse in my heart, but have to attend Benny’s friend birthday at Pasir Ris before he book in. So try to cheer myself up abit and have abit of fun with his friends, than accompany Benny to book in after that. Than on my way home i couldn’t help but feeling moody again, makes my gastric and giddy even worse, don’t wish to cry anymore, sometimes there is a point of time u are tired of crying although u feel like it. Feeling sucks right. Anyway, i just hope tomorrow is a good day for me at least don’t wish to have any more DIL and patient pass away.


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